To Invite The Greener Grass
A Poem
Dark and in pain.
I have done all I can on my own. I have softened my edges, opened space, and relinquished control. I have done all I can on my own.
I know what needs to happen next and with this understanding comes a plethora of emotions and feelings. Confusing thoughts swarm my brain as I begin to feel like I’m going crazy. I know what needs to happen next for me, my future, and the future ones I love.
Thoughts racing through my mind, hitting the walls causing pain, or is that anguish? My eyes puffy, my body heavy, my mind fully encapsulated by every possible thought creating confusion. Like a pinball machine
Yes No Yes No Yes No… Yes No
True happiness is behind a door I don’t want to open. I can see beyond the door from the window. I can see the happiness and the greener grass. The grass made greener not by nature, but by my clearer mind giving space to see and indulge. Not shaded by the racing thoughts.
I see myself looking back at the closed door, at me looking longingly through the window, I see what I’ve had to lose. I feel the pain of my life before. I feel the pain for what I’ve lost to make it here.
Sorrow
As happiness flutters through my being, realizing that back on the other side of the door happiness was fleeting as sorrow fluttered.
I know what needs to happen next. Accepting and letting go of the impossible. Making room for the greener grass. I know what needs to happen next.
The final severing.
The final end to an endless feeling. I know what needs to happen next. The amputation of a limb. The severing of a piece of me. The end of trying.
I know what needs to happen next to invite the greener grass.
