Breathing In The Moment
Amidst Despair
My pen paints a picture as I write my thoughts. Living in the moment amidst despair. My life beautiful and ever changing. My heart warm and yet hurt.
My soul holding me together knowing this in my path. My world changed in an instant, with the feeling of freedom running through my being. Aware of what is coming next and unaware all at once.
A change within me so transparent and yet so private. I am changed, I am different. Even down to my reaction to spiders, my will to go with the flow, and with all this my determination is un-wavered.
My need for softness, my need for pause coming to an end, I can feel it. Not yet, not now, but soon. It’s a feeling not a timeline.
My body adjusting to my new circumstance. My body has felt and feels this change fully. Each part of me feeling this uniquely. Each part of me reacting and acting in it’s own way, comprehending this experience. Comprehending the changes down to the smallest difference.
My everything has changed, but overnight, from shopping for one to not talking to a single soul for … until I do. From sleeping alone to washing my single dish. From calling to say “I’m coming home” to flirting and feeling again. The changes are immense and ever encapsulating. The feeling of getting a second chance mixed with the grief of what is no longer and will never be.
My ringless finger tells a story all on it’s own, a lock on a fence yet to be broken. Limbo, with such certainty.
The mind confused and yet never clearer. My door closed although this space is all my own. Alone yet grateful. Lonely, but not for what I had, but for what I want. My new beginning or maybe just maybe,
just my next step.
